Heinz Kohut, Vienna born, Chicago transplanted psychoanalyst conceptualized the concept of a psychology of the self. Kohut posits humans, beginning at birth, need to be empathically 'heard' and have a 'mirroring' effect in order to develop a strong and healthy sense of self. Here are the guidelines for measuring empathic listening—communication.
0 - Unresponsive—The person shows little interest in others—merely waits for their turn to speak.
1 – Indirectly unresponsive—The person makes a cliché response—"You shouldn't feel that way…" "I am sorry to hear that…." etc.
2 – Free associating, self referential—"Oh, yeah, that reminds me of the time when I…."
3 – Free associating—The person goes off on a tangent, making only indirect reference to what you said.
4 – Impersonal, non-nurturing—"Yeah, that's the way the cookie crumbles…." "That's too bad."
5 – Superficial—"Yeah, I know what you mean." Then diverting the conversation to him/herself.
6 – Neutral—The person indicates she/he heard what you said, but does not encourage you to expand upon your statement.
7 – Responsive—The person indicates she/he heard and encourages you to expand. Expansion is created by asking in-depth questions.
8 – Resonant—The person indicates she/he resonates with what you say and shows through questions and body language that she/he is interested in hearing about what you experienced.
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